An Advent series - The power of confidence

Have you ever wondered why some people do better at work, especially in large organisations, when they don't appear to be any better than others? They have a glow about them that makes them appear to stand out more and attract more attention. When it comes to promotions, they are ahead of others and mentioned by all levels - sometimes positively, sometimes negatively.

What is is about them that often makes them stand out? Confidence.

I have been listening a lot more to audiobooks in the last couple of years, including some autobiographies. One of the phases I went through was comedians and there was a common theme where they often did not think they were better than others and felt that there were others more naturally gifted than they were. Both and spoke on this and that it was their confidence to push on through that saw them get to way they are now. Yes, this absolutely needs to be backed with hard work but in the face of much adversity, especially for Eddie Izzard in the early years of his career, it was the confidence to keep going and that he was doing the right thing. Both John and Eddie came from an English public school system (which meant their parents paid for their education rather than the state for those not in the UK) and attribute a large part of this to their confidence. However, this isn't the only way.

How does it help?

This is where I will drop away from my nature of being scientific and evidence based and go with my experience and feeling. Confidence helps to keep you on a single focus. It ensures that you move ahead with one idea without the debate and slowdown that can take place with uncertainty. Confident people can usually pull people along with them, bringing teams together where uncertain teams can be pulling in different directions and meandering towards no ending.

The reason that others are drawn to them in big organisations is that the confidence to move forward gives direction to others when teams can feel drawn to different routes. Confidence ensures momentum and while it may not always be the best direction, the push forward can make if become a good direction.

The risk of overconfidence

But what if it's not the right path to take? What if that confidence blinds you to the problems and ignore the risks and red flags that are so obvious in hind sight? This is where balance is the key - holding enough confidence to get things done while being ready to listen to others and adapting based on it.

In my earlier career, a head of technology made a great difference where his confidence to make change drove through a modern program and helped to improve the way that technology ran. He took away a hero culture where the focus was on working hard rather than working smartly and gave focus to the organisation. Unfortunately, this took a bad turn when he stopped listening to any opposition and focussed on his way or no way. There was no listening to what was going wrong and so no adjustment away from bad paths. Soon, the dissenting voices were louder than the backers and it was time for a change.

The answer is to hold some people around you who you trust to tell you when you are wrong and listening to them. Don't be diverted by the noise of dissenters but do look back at why they are there and if there is merit to it rather than their own cross purposes.

How can I get more confident?

That's a great question and not one that can be answered in a short blog. The great news is that you can change no matter how old you are, as noted in this article from Forbes. Your neural plasticity is adaptable enough that you can change the way you think. Look back at what you have done well and stick to those for a while to build your confidence.

The other thing is to act confident. Both John Cleese and Eddie Izzard noted that they did not always have the conviction in things but acted like they did. This will have the dual effect of you appearing confident to others but it will also boost your own confidence. The way people treat you affects how you feel so appearing confident will help people treat you as confident and be a self-fulfilling cycle.

Finally, I would say that you should prepare and practice. As with sports, building muscle memory helps you succeed, the same is true mentally. By repeating activities, you will be comfortable with what is going to happen. Practice what might go wrong as well so that you feel prepared and don't panic as they hit. You can also read plenty of pithy lists online but don't get too hooked on those.

Bouncing back from low confidence

Now this is a hard one. It's often caused by an event such as an embarassing moment or a failure. Losing your job or having an argument with someone you respect. You get caught in a cycle where thinking about it can dominate everything and distract from what you are aiming to do.

So stop, take a breathe.

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Have a look at what happened before. What went wrong? Why did it happen? What was good about it? What did you learn? From all those things, what can you do to help make sure it doesn't happen again. How should you adjust your focus? Was it just a one-off that you should put to one-side? Only you can truly know. But whatever happens, do not let it entirely dominate and stop you.

Tighten your tie, straighten your back and hold your head up high

So now is the time to look at the projects you delivered well, the presentations that wowed the attendees, the flowers that grew, the goals scored in Fifa, the likes on Twitter and the refactored lines of code that shrank the project to half the size. Those things that made life better and made you shine. Remember that feeling and hold on to it because that was you and can be you again.

p.s. this is no excuse to just be incompetent, only to make the most of your ability and stop the incompetents winning!